Ok so its been a while since I’ve updated this! No internet access. But basically I moved to a new place where I can actually sleep now, and its closer to the city center.
Biggest update! I was dating! we saw each other for about a few weeks. Then 3 days ago he was like. Oh hey my ex is in town, maybe I’ll meet up with him. Nekkminut calls me up, oh hey steven, I think I might love him still. lets be friends k.not going to lie it did hurt a bit. He brought out the hopeless romantic side in me which I try to keep guarded, because it makes me more vulnerable. Then BAM. I’m alright though genuinely. I know I will get over it soon, and I still wanna be friends with the guy. Right now i’m almost certain that im not sad because he is gone, its more because of broken confidence and loneliness, because he did my time in sydney more comforting, and its nice to have the warm embrace of someone, and now im starting to realize that I don’t really have anyone here. Just don’t know What I keep doing wrong. Ive had cheated on, left for my friend, left for ex, “turned straight”, urggg is it my face, is it my body, is it my personality, lack of depth?! I don’t know, I hate this shit feeling after.
So I still don’t know where my place is. I am a bit home sick because I have built a name in perth, but still not for me. We shall see, the shitty sydney weather isnt helping out too